Rachel: Solid first take. It lacks your usual polish and enthusiasm, but I know that will come with a bit more practice. You've used the opening statistics well to start generating your desired pathos; I urge to do more of this (more stats) to really bring our point home. You also had a nice bit about getting your kids involved in your last speech, and I urge you to bring that section into this speech. Right now, without it, the pitch is a bit short so far.
Rachel: Solid first take. It lacks your usual polish and enthusiasm, but I know that will come with a bit more practice. You've used the opening statistics well to start generating your desired pathos; I urge to do more of this (more stats) to really bring our point home. You also had a nice bit about getting your kids involved in your last speech, and I urge you to bring that section into this speech. Right now, without it, the pitch is a bit short so far.
ReplyDeleteGrade so far: 40/50