Rachel: I like your approach here. You have a central focus, something I'll remember, and you're able to tie a number of interesting details back to that focus. I wish you could come up with a more interesting word than "active," though. Can you think of a more memorable word? something with a little more pizzaz? It's kind of a generic word, and you want something a bit more special, a word that's YOUR word. Give this a little thought.
volume: Clear and easy to hear you. pacing: Nice job with this. You speak in a natural way, starting and stopping as you're thinking, and this allows your personality to come through. tone: Same as above. You change your tone as you tell each story, and this keeps us engaged. You lose this edge at the end (see comments about this, below), but, for the most part, your tone helps support what you're saying. engagement: Strong, up until the end. You lose me with the school stuff. I'm not quite sure I see the connection here to "active," and you seem less excited and interested in this part. It seems as if you're trying too hard to make a serious connection. Instead, you might try to talk a tiny bit about some active things you did in school situations.
Rachel: I like your approach here. You have a central focus, something I'll remember, and you're able to tie a number of interesting details back to that focus. I wish you could come up with a more interesting word than "active," though. Can you think of a more memorable word? something with a little more pizzaz? It's kind of a generic word, and you want something a bit more special, a word that's YOUR word. Give this a little thought.
ReplyDeletevolume: Clear and easy to hear you.
pacing: Nice job with this. You speak in a natural way, starting and stopping as you're thinking, and this allows your personality to come through.
tone: Same as above. You change your tone as you tell each story, and this keeps us engaged. You lose this edge at the end (see comments about this, below), but, for the most part, your tone helps support what you're saying.
engagement: Strong, up until the end. You lose me with the school stuff. I'm not quite sure I see the connection here to "active," and you seem less excited and interested in this part. It seems as if you're trying too hard to make a serious connection. Instead, you might try to talk a tiny bit about some active things you did in school situations.
Grade so far: 40/50