Rachel: First off, much better job with eye contact. Clearly you're looking at the camera this time--nice going. The ending (the very end) seems a bit unplanned, and this left me with less of a strong impression. Toward the end of the speech, you seem to lose focus, saying "and...and...and" a lot, which makes it seem as if you're trying hard to come up with what to say next. Funny thing is, you did NOT have this problem with the last version!
So...some improvements, some slips. If you have it in you, give it one more shot. Try to land solidly at the very end, if you can.
Rachel: First off, much better job with eye contact. Clearly you're looking at the camera this time--nice going. The ending (the very end) seems a bit unplanned, and this left me with less of a strong impression. Toward the end of the speech, you seem to lose focus, saying "and...and...and" a lot, which makes it seem as if you're trying hard to come up with what to say next. Funny thing is, you did NOT have this problem with the last version!
ReplyDeleteSo...some improvements, some slips. If you have it in you, give it one more shot. Try to land solidly at the very end, if you can.
Grade at this point: 45/50